You Don’t Have to be Disagreeable to Disagree

Disagreement is beneficial in both business and in life. In fact, it is great to disagree… but it is not great to be disagreeable. If everyone agreed on everything, we would not experience any advancements or breakthroughs. Having a variety of opinions and perspectives helps with innovation, problem solving, and creativity. The biggest problem with disagreement is not the difference of opinion itself but rather the act of being disagreeable.

In high school, I had a fantastic teacher who taught us to question things, but to do so in a respectful manner. Every morning before we started our lessons, he would facilitate some sort of discussion or debate for our class. We would come up with the topic, and if we didn’t know what to talk about, he would suggest some ideas. We talked about everything from current events, our dreams for the future, lifestyle choices, and even school policies. It was a safe space for us to state our opinions freely and without fear of judgment. He was there to ensure that the conversation stayed on track and that we listened to our peers with open minds.

Our class became very close as a result of this. Not everyone was friends, but we were always friendly. The teacher taught us how to disagree without being disagreeable and to speak our minds. He also pushed us to be and do better every day. I will forever be grateful for the lessons that he instilled in us, and his influence is still evident today.

Unfortunately though, a new problem arose: the assumption that when someone disagrees with something, they are automatically being disagreeable. A question was brought up about the school handbook, and many students had concerns. When our teacher advocated on behalf of us to the school’s administration, he was met with harsh reactions. Not only do you not have to be disagreeable to disagree with someone, you also don’t have to jump to the conclusion that someone else is being disagreeable when they disagree with you. Our teacher asked a question, pointed out discrepancies, and sought clarification in a respectful manner. He was then reprimanded for it because the school felt like it was a personal attack on them.

He worked so hard to help us think for ourselves and prepare us for the real world. He was then replaced with another teacher the next year, and no one felt comfortable speaking up again. We went from having adult conversations every morning to sitting in assigned seats with nametags on the desk like we were in kindergarten. The school didn’t want independent thinkers; they wanted sheep. Unfortunately, that is the case in many businesses as well. If you want to facilitate meaningful discussions and allow for the respectful difference of opinions, it has to start at the top.

When leadership demonstrates that it is okay to disagree, they will start to see employees take off the masks they hide behind and make significant contributions. This builds trust amongst the team, which increases productivity and morale. A team can be cohesive without agreeing on everything. The key is mutual respect and open dialogue.

-Meghan Slaughter