Knowing How and When to Confront an Employee

Whenever you notice a behavior or attitude that needs modification, it’s important to know how to effectively address that with your employees and when it's appropriate. As a leader, your role is crucial in guiding the team to success, and you do that by setting clear expectations, providing support, and offering feedback when necessary. When you are addressing an employee, it should never be about the person and instead should be focused on the thing, such as a specific behavior, that needs to be changed.

My first job in high school was quite the learning experience for me. I had several managers that oversaw my work, and some of them were very supportive of me as I learned to navigate my new role, while others seemed irritated that they even had to speak with me. There is a specific shift that stands out in my mind that exemplifies the importance of strong leadership and how damaging it can be to an organization without it.

I had one manager who, when someone made a mistake, would use that experience to help the individual learn and grow. She treated everyone with respect. I also had a manager who would use the slightest misstep to tear the person down, and she was only kind to her favorite employees. Everyone loved when the first manager I mentioned was on duty. She taught me so much at this organization, and she helped me become self-sufficient. That was extremely helpful considering I would often get scheduled to work in my area of the building by myself.

One day, I had a customer come in, she told me what she needed, and I started helping her with that. I was the only one at the front of the building at the time, and the respectful manager had taught me how to do the thing that the customer needed help with. While I was asking the customer questions and filling out the paperwork, the second manager, the one who liked to tear people down, walked by and asked me what I was doing. I told her what I was helping the customer with, and she very loudly berated me in front of the customer, telling me that I was not authorized to do what I was doing and that only a manager had that ability. She told me to go stock some of the supplies while she took over, and she would not even let me explain my side.

That experience was humiliating for me, especially because no one had articulated the rule that she was referencing to me. In fact, another manager had been the one who trained me on it. Even the customer felt bad for me, and she apologized and thanked me for my help.

The point of that story is that you should know how and when to address something with an employee, and it should never be in front of a customer, and ideally not in front of other employees either. Speak with the individual privately, and do not make it an attack on the person or their character; rather, point out the behavior that they demonstrated, how it made you feel personally, and explain what the impact of their behavior was. This formula is specific, and it is less likely to raise the employee’s defensiveness. You can then use reflective listening to hear how they got to that point, and you can tell them your expectations moving forward.

By following a specific framework for confronting an employee, you can effectively communicate why the change needs to be made without tearing anyone down for it.

-Meghan Slaughter